Becoming Grounded : A wrestling match with fear
To truly understand what it means for us to be GROUNDED, I think a great place to start is to find out what things in our lives make us feel like everything is unravelling or falling apart.
So, let’s talk little bit about how we experience fear in our business. We want to discover today how we can encounter fear and yet still remain grounded.
Have you ever had a client ask you a question and half way through your answer you find yourself saying something to the tune of “but whatever you think is best” or “but that’s just my opinion”. Maybe it’s the people pleaser within me but those words come out of my mouth more times than not. I try to avoid any and all tension or confrontation in a conversation by creating these ‘safety net phrases’ that can catch all opinions.
It’s like you’re giving the person you’re talking to permission to disagree before you’ve even completed an entire thought.
I think this bad habit of mine was born from a desire to come across to others as humble, agreeable and open to new ideas but what I’ve come to realize is that most of the time this lack of confidence positions me as being insecure, inexperienced or indecisive. Ironically, I don’t believe myself to be any of those things but the way that I communicate with others can create a different narrative for them.
If you’re nodding your head right now thinking “Yes, this is me.” I’ve gotta ask.. Why do you do that?
For me, it’s fear.
I am constantly reading the room, trying to predict how others think and feel about what I am communicating to them and when it comes down to it; I am afraid.
I am afraid of getting rejected.
I am afraid of making a bad first impression.
I am afraid of coming across as pushy and GOD FORBID that I would ever for a single moment in time seem sales'y’.
Turns out these fears all fall into the ‘Five common sales worries business owners face’ so that made me feel a little bit better. You can read more on that topic here.
Fear is powerful, uncomfortable and biological.
We are hardwired for fear.
An article I read recently on selling without fear said this,“Feelings of anxiety, fear or worry don’t go away with age, money, higher positions or more prestige. Modern psychology tells us that complete freedom of anxiety, fear or worry is not only impossible, but also unproductive. Although some Hollywood movies lead us to believe that heroes are always cool, calm and collected under fire, extensive research of very successful people indicates that a healthy dose of these emotions is necessary for achieving top performance.”
As much as I hate to think about it, fear is not going anywhere any time soon.
So instead of turning a blind eye to the effects of fear or being paralyzed at the thought of overcoming it, how can we harness our fear to work for us and not against us. Can we experience fear and be grounded at the same exact time?
I believe the answer is yes. I still haven’t got this mastered yet but I wanted to share a few things I’m learning and take you with me on this journey of pursuing things ground me while embracing fear.
A new way of approaching fear
This article open my eyes to a new perspective on the role of fear in our lives and businesses. I’ll link it here for you but here’s the spark notes version (always my favorite version). If we can shift our focus on how we view fear we can see the benefits.
Fear reveals our self-imposed limits and beliefs
“Fears are subjective, and courage isn't about overcoming someone else's fears; it's about overcoming your own. So fears point out where we're personally holding ourselves back from moving forward, and what underlying beliefs are keeping us there. Fear stems from feeling unsafe if you engage in a particular activity. So it helps you unravel your limiting beliefs.”
Fear shows us what is important to us + reveals hidden passions
Fear is a strong reaction. If something weren't important to you, you might feel annoyance or anger or maybe even low-level anxiety. But you definitely wouldn't feel fear. That racing heartbeat, those sweaty palms, that clenched stomach are all symptoms of caring a lot about something. Whatever you're most afraid of is an area that you care deeply about — and potentially one of your hidden passions.
Fear acts as a compass for success
Without a doubt, fear is the strongest indicator of an obstacle to success. The things you are afraid of are the very obstacles you need to overcome to become successful. With each fear you push through, you prove to yourself that you're capable of surviving something terrifying, and you earn yourself more confidence. In facing the scariest moments of my life — fighting a debilitating illness, telling my best friend I loved him, quitting a high-powered job and starting a new company — I always reached new heights of success, regardless of the outcome.
Fear is our BEST tool for self-growth
As wellness and spiritual seekers, we're always on the lookout for positive, enlightened ways to learn more about ourselves and the world. But the truth is that the so-called "negative" parts of ourselves can teach us just as much, if not more, than the positive aspects. Fear shows us areas where we want to grow and expand. And we'll never run out of fears in this lifetime. Every time we conquer a fear, we find a dozen new ones, because it's helping us dig through the layers and find the courage to be ourselves.
You guys, if you made it this far.. I want to say a huge thank you for reading along! I hope this will resonate and encourage someone. I want to leave you with two questions.
What are you afraid of?
How can you harness your fear to help you to become more grounded?
Dulcet Creative Co - Founder